This post is a part of theFreshXpress.com’s ReFRESH series.
If a man wants to be a part of his child’s life nothing, I mean NOTHING will stop him from being a part of his child’s life.
With that being said, I first want to say that when I began thinking about this blog post I had to stop myself from going into some kind of mean, personal, from far down deep within rant about how dead beat dads really need to jump off a cliff…one that I would be happy to point them to, drive them to, drop them off at…and maybe even push them off of… But then I regrouped, thought things over and decided to take this entry in a different direction.
There is no way that I could possibly write this entry without my personal feelings being intertwined, so excuse me if some of the mean, I’m gonna get you sucka feelings slip out here and there.
Dear Dead Beat Dad, Make it Right
I honestly believe that for the most part (and I did say for the most part) that most men who have been given the label of deadbeat dad are exactly that. They don’t provide for their children financially, they don’t play a part in the child’s life and they don’t really give a damn who knows that they aren’t up to par. Sure they may get upset at the deadbeat dad label, and sure they may deny being a deadbeat dad, but at the end of the day, they live up to the title wholeheartedly. So even though their mouth says one thing, their actions are of the complete opposite therefore the title of deadbeat dad is very much fitting of them.
Now I know that right now someone has already raised their eyebrow ready to call me out for saying that “For the most part men labeled as deadbeat dads are actually deadbeat dads” but let’s examine our personal lives, professional lives and every situation in which we know someone who has been labeled a deadbeat dad. Think long and hard about why they have been given that label and let’s examine honestly if they are not deserving of that title.
Speaking personally, I don’t know of ANY man who has been called a deadbeat dad that isn’t one. Each and every situation in which I can personally say I know the circumstances, I can also say that yep, he ain’t about shit…
Sure there are cases in which women are bitter and evil and bad mouth the fathers because they are scorned over lost love, but even in those cases, there is NO excuse for a man not being in his child’s life and supporting the child financially. There is no level of evil behavior on the part of a woman that should hinder a man from making every attempt to see and provide for their child/ren, even if seeking legal help and taking it to court is the only option, make that only option your option and do what needs to be done. The problem is that once the situation gets only, the attempts from the men go from aggressive, to menial, to minor to little to none, to none at all. This goes for seeing the child and providing for them financially.
We even have some men who NEVER play a part in their child’s life. They never accept the role of father, they deny paternity even after it has been proven and they refuse to even acknowledge the child. These men are on a whole nother level of deadbeat, which is beyond my understanding.
I have heard so many excuses as to why men aren’t taking care of their children that it is no longer pathetic to me, now it is upsetting and disgusting. Over and over again I hear excuses from men about women not allowing them to see their children. Okay, that may be the case, but when you don’t allow money to come out of your pocket for your child she allows herself to visit the Child Support office and place you on child support so why not allow yourself to take her to court for visitation with your child.
Hold up wait…When child support cases are taken to court, the fathers have the opportunity to set up visitation. BUT hold up wait…most of the fathers labeled as deadbeat dads don’t show up for court. Hold up wait…most of the dads who are labeled as deadbeat dads not only don’t show up for court, but they also get upset when they are hauled off to jail for not paying the child support order that they are ordered to pay since they did not show up to court…hmmm now let dissect that. You deny being a deadbeat dad, yet when you have the opportunity to go to court, receive the information on your child support order and set up visitation you refuse to show up. Now maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t that categorize you as being a selfish, poor excuse for a man better known as a deadbeat dad?
Being a part of your child’s life and supporting them financially go hand in hand and when you choose not to do those two things you are being selfish and in the end the child suffers.
I really wish that men who choose not to be a part of their child’s lives would open their eyes and realize that you may hurt the woman temporarily by not providing for, spending time with or being a role model for your child, but the effects it has on your child are much deeper than her moment of disdain for you.
And yes I truly believe that not being a part of your child’s life is a choice. I say this because what besides your own stubbornness, triflingness, anger, laziness, pride or decision to hold a grudge (or a combination of them all) will keep you from being a part of your child’s life?
Being a father should be such an honor that it should be worth fighting for if necessary. If you have to fight for your right to be a part of your child’s life, FIGHT FOR IT. It should be one of the things that you are most proud of because this little person is a part of you. What is more spectacular than that? Knowing that there is a human being that is here because of you. You were vital to their creation so why not be vital to their formation?
Dear Deadbeat Dad, please make it right. Before you think of why you can’t or don’t think of why you should. If it is the court system that frightens you, overcome that fear, because if you don’t your child will miss out on experiencing what an awesome father you can be. Make it right because your child deserves it. If for no other reason, make it right because your child deserves to have a father that loves them, provides for them and shows them that yes I have a dad and yes he is in my life. Isn’t your child worth that
Sometimes I don’t think that these men realize how their missing presence in their child’s life can make their child/ren feel. Maybe they have no clue as to how empty a child can feel without their father. Many children grow up resenting their fathers for leaving them, their mothers for not making them stay and themselves for not being worthy enough of having him there… it is truly sad, but is truly real…