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Why professional black women find it hard to find a 'good' man.

 
I read an article from an afro-centered black blog concerning black professionals and was compelled to delve into this subject. I will sacrifice incurring the wrath of black women by saying things most don't want to hear. The question is if there is a scarcity of successful black men or black women just don't know how to treat men rightly? Statistics show that 70% of successful professional black women are unmarried. Of the 70%, 95% of black women want to date the top professional 5% of black men.According to a
According to a 2008 by the Census Bureau, African-American women with a college degree outnumber similarly educated Black men 3:1, suggesting that only 3 out of 10 single professional Black women have a reasonable chance of mating with their match.

Good as a term here is  two-fold. Good in terms of personality or good used as a way to reflect professional success. Sidenote: A good man is not a simp.  There are good unsuccessful men, and good successful men.  That cleared out of the way, there are good carpenters, plumbers, janitors, that work with SuBW sometimes in the same business premises and there are good men that hold high positions of power.

Most times, successful black women find it hard to find a (good) man because:

1. They don't know what they want - it is hard for a woman to point out exactly what she wants in a man. All you hear is rambles on prerequisites and what TV says every man should have. 
2. Mix their needs with everyone else's.  
3. They compromise.
4. Most men already assume they're taken. 
5. Most women of power can not balance career and romance well. 
6. Judge real men with TV and hip-hop standards:  Most black women live in fictitious reality - chasing the illusion of the perfect alpha-male that meets the media-endorsed checklist (height, cars, house, clothes etc.),  Every man should have some education, pay and swag to him, but black women are myopic in raising hell standards for men.
7.Black women complain about black men as being too sexual, too lazy, or disloyal. It is self-fulfilling prophecy. 

They don't find good men because: 

1. Most successful men turn douches. 
2. Good men are mostly not successful. 
3. Most successful men don't provide her physical attraction or sexual satisfaction 
4. Do not know a good man when they see one. 
5. She wants to still be in charge. 
6. They haven't learned to separate reality from TV, music videos, books and shows. 
7. They adamantly claim to be logical over emotions and fall for the same mistakes.
8.Don't realize different men should be held to different standards
9. Love but hate to admit they want a man a little rough around the edge. If there is a lack of communication in a relationship, it hits rock bottom. If you want your man to be a bit more tough, it is only fair to let him know. You can not and should not change a man, let him know what you want. 
10. You constantly compare him to every other man out there, rather than treat him like your king.
11. Most are taken.

Reality Check

1. Education to most successful black men is irrelevant. Either you are pretty or you are not. Independence, PHds and nobel prizes don't count, unless the man is less successful

2. Only a strong principled man will lay with your nagging. Once you nag, he is out. 

3. There is a lot more fish in the sea for an educated black man and he knows this. He will be looking for the best qualities in a woman. 

4. The good successful man is a man with character, substance, quality and morals. 

5. The good man will not be perfect.   

6.  Successful men are not necessarily open to commitment (it’s easy to find a man, just not easy to find a man who is willing to be with you and you only)

7.  Every black man deserves credit, making ends in societies where every move is judged as ostentatious and innate racism prevails it is only  reasonable to expect black men to find company in the arms of other-raced women.


Social norms, characteristics and stereotypes that define a community or group often always has a root in that group's history. Given that most african-american women are single mothers responsible for leading 60% of Afr.Ame households, rank the lowest on the socioeconomic ladder, and are living at low or below poverty level, it is somehow logical to expect black women to demand for men in better financial, emotional and physical positions. It feels logical to expect hopelessness, anger, frustration and domineering assertion from Black women. 

Black educated women that want to marry a Black man should re-prioritize the list when choosing their mate. Consider ‘closet nerds.’ The law student grinding in the library. While he is making moves to take over the world in 2020, stay with him.Catch him on his way up, before graduation. Try not to judge a book by its cover. Switch roles and see where you stand if guys judged you by your cover *check your conscience* 

Another option is the good church-going brotha.  He may not be model material, nor will he drive the hottest car, or wear the most fashionable gear.  However, he will likely treat you like the queen you are, supporting you during the ‘quiet times’ in life, when your make-up is off;  and all facades are removed, being ‘naked’ with you…metaphorically speaking. In plain English the church-going brother most likely  has all his values and principles intact, and if, you plan on going anywhere in life, especially instilling values in your kids, then you  will have to re-evaluate the sullen image of what good gentlemen look like. Not to mention he may also have his Value intact. 

Also, redefine yourself, good quality certainly isn't attracted to sub-par material. If you present yourself loosely, you should not expect to get the hardworking successful man to throw away years of diligence for someone who has no value, or skewed self-image of themselves.  

Don't think you are something you are not. An Ivy-league education, and loose leaf colored AKA jackets give you leverage from your counterparts and does not guarantee a successful black man. If you both went to school, respect his education. 

According to Dr Boyce, Although most women disagree with 'lowering' their standards it's in your best interest to focus on innate qualities within a man, rather than what he can produce externally or economically for your benefit.

Correct your perceptions, feel free to like what you want. If you like a man in jail, rehabilitate him. You attract what you are. Treat others with respect, give men encouragement, restrain your tongue, review yourself and determine exactly what you want and what you think you deserve. 


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2 comments:

  1. This would upset a lot of women but I agree with it. Sad but so true about black women.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, according to some articles I've read about the issue of Black women it stated there that mostly "black men prefer white women" and because of that black women feel depressed about it. I don't know why it's happening over the black women.

    ReplyDelete

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